Not Quite Ready
by sinking815
Summary: Maybe she was dangerous, maybe she was untrustworthy. But right now, all Jack could see was Kate, unguarded and exposed... JK


There was something intrinsically calming about the ocean. The deliberate rush of the surf over sun-warmed sand. The mesmerizing dance of light over blue water. The vast openess of its great expanse with nothing but this island in its way. Maybe that was the reason she lied to Jack about digging in. Well, not lied, but told a half-truth. The ocean was her escape; when her feet could take her no farther, sitting seaside let her mind continue running.

Kate frowned at the thought of the doctor as she studied the silhouette of the toy airplane in her hand against the vibrant colors of yet another magnificent sunset. There were things about Jack she couldn't understand for the life of her, but there were just as many that she could rely on.

She knew that if she sat here long enough, he would come. Sometimes he stood behind her and she felt his brown eyes willing her to turn around to face him so he wouldn't have to break his newly adopted vow of silence. She never complied. Sometimes he stood next to her and they would just breathe quietly for a few moments before he slid her an extra mango he had swiped from dinner. Sometimes she'd take it, sometimes she wouldn't. But they never spoke. Talking ruined whatever mutuality they found in silence.

This time was different. Instead he sat carefully in the sand on her left and Kate thought, even hoped, that maybe this game of cold shoulder was wearing on him just as much as it destroyed her. She didn't look at him, fearing that a direct stare might send him away, but out of the corner of her eye, she watched him. He glanced back and forth between her and the horizon, his brow creasing deeply as he struggled with words. For once she decided to do him a favor.

"This," Kate said, holding up the toy plane and twirling it around by the tail, "was the reason I got caught."

Deep green met hazel brown for a brief moment until the space between them was thick with a tension not just from the humid twilight air. She could see the uncertainty in his eyes and couldn't blame it for being there. Kate was never really one to open up without being prodded and antagonized.

"It belonged to my friend," she continued, her eyes focused back on the plane. "He died in a car crash… and the marshal found this when the cops searched his car."

Jack nodded in his quiet unassuming way, listening intently to what she was telling him.

"I got sloppy after that. Ran out of aliases. Started to get homesick and lonely. So on Christmas Eve, I called him up. I yelled at him and thought that maybe if I explained my story he'd stop chasing me. I think really what I wanted was someone… anyone to talk to."

Kate smiled in disgusted humor at the memory, and Jack noticed her eyes had retreated with the vacant gaze people get when they fall into a trance. He swallowed, not really sure what to say, but she didn't seem to notice his unease.

"Then he tells me that he has a toy airplane that he thinks I might want to remember someone by and I got so infuriated, I hung up. I tried to ignore what he had said, but a few weeks later I found myself… robbing a bank in New Mexico with some deadbeat who was gullible enough to do the dirty work. And I got my plane and left for Australia, hoping to leave everything behind. What I didn't realize was he planted it so he could track me. The next thing I know I'm cuffed on Flight 815 returning to the US."

Her green eyes had moistened and her voice had struggled through the remorse of her actions. Even though, Jack was a little unnerved at the idea of her stealing, he realized with surprise, he felt neither angry nor upset at her revelation. In fact, he felt what could only be described as empathy for her. Maybe she should be dangerous. Maybe she was untrustworthy. But right now, all he saw was Kate, unguarded and exposed. What he saw captivated him.

"You can always talk to me, Kate," he offered gently.

"I know…I'm not quite ready for that yet, Jack," she replied quietly, staring at him with that same wistful look he had caught her with earlier. She offered him her sad smile before letting their silence envelop them once again.


End file.
